While reading the works of Tamas Vekerdi, K.Sz.Sztanyivszlavszkij and Jerzy Grotowski in connection with my work as a performer, I came across the books of Peter Brook published in Hungarian (The empty space, Threads of time, The shifting point).
In ”Threads of time” he writes about the experiences which started his search, about the making of the movie “Meetings with Remarkable Men” and about Madame de Salzmann.
Then the first loss of a close relative occurred when my grandfather died.
Around this time there was a series of readings for the group at the MU Theatre, I think the title was Meetings with Remarkable Men and maybe Peter Brook’s name was also mentioned. When my singing class was cancelled I was able to attend a reading.
I think I. read something aloud, maybe about the carriage, sat in the back row and afterwards they were playing some kind of music. It happened in this way.
Before joining the group, I had already studied Gurdjieff’s system (let’s say, in a simple way: the structure and function of the World(s)and Man). I had not come across similar ideas previously. Essentially it is simple and can explain completely comprehensive and yet small details.
The interpretation and the digestion of „In search of the Miraculous” and then the Movements, including the music and choreography were unique. I danced in many places and many forms of dances, and they all lacked something essential. Here I found it…
So why this group? (Even though I was familiar and practiced the teaching of Gurdjieff, the „In search of the Miraculous” and the movements…?)
Here I found real seekers, who were sharing what they had found and thus by giving gaining more.
And here I found real traces of Gurdjieff’s existence.
The origin, the other end of the yarn/thread, the reason….70 years of endurance, can only be from an inherent force. And that’s what I feel, I see, I profess.
When I became acquainted with the teaching, I gained prospective on my life. For me it was a great recognition. I felt that I found something that I was searching for since my childhood. It gives me tools, which make it possible to Live. And also friends. With such companions we seek understanding together and that creates an advantage that develops from being together and sharing our burdens, because to become a „Man” is not easy.
I was searching for something, something was missing. I read a lot of books, went to a lot of places, but didn’t find what I was searching for. I read about ” Man’s possible evolution” by P.D. Ouspensky. It appeared that opportunities could be found here in everyday life,- which reassured me. I liked that it is an institution, a school, which can help me? After my personal encounters with I. and J., I felt like I had found something, that is bigger than myself. Reading Gurdjieff’s ideas filled me with enthusiasm and made me think.
My case is a little different as there was no group to join, but the teaching could only be received through a group so one had to be formed. The motivation was obviously the truth of ”Fragments” and then we met Mihaly P. and through him it became authentic and accessible. The desire was there to join something bigger and transcendent, and to be a part of this. Of course, we started out with a lot of illusions, and in a way that nothing was promised to us. Why this and not something else? I needed references, friends and personal interaction.
I became acquainted with Gurdjieff's teachings through Endre Dicsőfi. Many of the people I knew at this time were already attending a group where they worked with the sacred dances taught by Gurdjieff. I was very interested in what these movements were like.
The first time I experienced these dances I was deeply touched by the music and the movements. That group was led by Nisha Maggioni and for a while I worked with her and her Budapest group. Later, through her, this small Budapest group connected with the English York group.
After a while - for several reasons – there were only three members left in the group, and then we came across the Hollán group and almost 8 years ago I joined this group.
Then why this “teaching”? Through this I was given a simple, clear and understandable (without falsities) picture of the world and its functions and a work which I can do at any time with no need for initiation or special training. I can do this work at any time and it is up to me how much I do it. I was given concrete tools through which I can effectively connect with myself and with something else.
The truths in Fragments are for me obvious. I realized that it is talking about unambiguous things, facts that are never expressed in everyday life but which, based on my personal experience (or on the situation etc.) and soberly thought through, give the experience that, well, of course, it is not possible in any other way….
When seeing the truth, or even a slice of it, it is no longer in question that here is something which is worth investigating further.
But what is most important: no one ever promised anything (progress, a higher level, or the like) only the possibility that in the mutual search the more personal the individual work is the more likely it is at the same time to become shared work (which again is just a doubtless truth from within).
When I was connected with the work (and with K.) she had already been in it for more than 5 years.
The momentum of the decision came from the possibility of talking to M. and asking him the question whether this is a teaching or not. Moreover, when he answered me authoritatively (and for him with unusual concreteness) NO, “this is a common, living, changing search.”
What could also be important regarding the question is that I continuously felt that, concerning my infirm and shallow approach, I always received understanding, tolerance, patience and protection.
He was not clinging onto the formal rules, conditions. That’s it! He did not impose conditions…
I hope you are able to do something with this.